Dr. Joseph Crumbley, a therapist specializing in adoptive families, discusses the importance of talking about race with your internationally adopted child.
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Richard Lee, a psychology professor at the University of Minnesota who specializes in the cultural socialization of Korean adoptees, discusses the international adoptee’s loss of birth culture.
Children who are placed as infants in their adoptive families are still facing a loss of birth culture. It may not be something that they are aware of during childhood, but at some point in their adult development many will begin to experience that feeling of loss. It may come quickly or gradually build up. But they may start to realize that I’m different from my adoptive parents physically, but also in how I am treated by others. And you begin to existentially wonder, well, where am I from. People ask that anyway, because you are a minority. They’ll say "where are you from," implying that you are a foreigner and not an American. But existentially it takes on a new meaning for transracially adopted children, and that often leads people to start looking at their birth place, their homeland; and that’s when those feelings of yearning and questioning begin to emerge, which is something which defines a diaspora.
Shades of Transracial Adoption
Challenges and joys color experience for adult adoptees
By Kevin Henry, February 2007
Copyright ColorsNW Magazine (Reprinted with permission)
It has been more than 20 years since the first large wave of transracial adoptions began to change the complexion of many families across the country. As these adopted children have come of age, they have become living case studies of the challenges, joys and sometimes pitfalls that can come with adoption across racial lines.
While many adoptees report a great sense of love and mutual respect shared with their adoptive parents, some describe a lack of cultural competency within their families, and cultural disconnect and confusion leading to resentment.
Now the increasingly vocal community of adult transracial adoptees has begun to come together to identify the best practices in transracial adoption and to better prepare future parents for issues facing adoptees. Through Web sites, books and blogs, they are sharing their stories to improve the experiences of others - children and parents alike.
Lack of connection
"I didn’t eat my first Korean meal until I was a 21-year-old senior in college," says Sarah Kim Randolph, an adoptee from Korea who is a graduate student at the University of Washington. Randolph’s comment echoes that of other adoptees of various ethnicities, who in their formative years felt disconnected from their culture of origin.
Randolph, 28, is one of thousands of adoptees who were part of the transracial adoption boom in the United States that began in the early 1980s. The increase in adoptions during that time was the result of a number of factors, including the creation of the Multiethnic Placement Act, which prohibited federally financed agencies from denying adoption based on race.
Statistics in the past two decades also underscore the growing popularity of white parents adopting children of color. The 2000 Census, for example, revealed that more than 16,000 white households included adopted black children. The number of multicultural families has grown in the last decade, and Americans adopted more than 200,000 children from overseas during that time. The number of international adoptions had doubled from the previous decade, 1980-1990. Approximately 65 percent of those adopted were female and 35 percent were male.
The long wait and cost of adopting white children has contributed to the increase in adoption of African-American, African, Asian and Latino children in this country and from abroad. Adopting Caucasian children here and overseas can cost anywhere between $25,000 and $40,000 each while adopting an African-American child will run between $10,000 and $15,000.
Today, some adoption agencies in this country offer courses to help transracially adoptive parents enter the process with more cultural openness and awareness. The Washington Association for Children and Parents (WACAP) in Seattle conducts cultural education workshops on a regular basis and requires parents to attend a certain number of classes before the adoption is finalized. Classes focus on topics such as "Hair and skin care for African American children," "Russian history and culture" and "Bringing your child’s Chinese heritage into your home." Adopting children from overseas is more time-consuming, requiring extensive investigation by the FBI, background checks, financial analysis and piles of paperwork. Nonetheless, potential adoptive parents remain undaunted.
In just more than 10 years, the number of foreign-born children adopted by Americans has doubled, from below 10,000 in 1989 to approximately 20,000 in 2002. The majority of babies were adopted from North America, Asia, South America and Oceania, while the majority of children over 5 years old come from Africa, Oceania and South America.
Over the past few decades, the increase in transracial families has generated a great deal of controversy. Some people feel children are better off raised by parents who are of the same ethnic background. Parents of the same race, some feel, can relate to their child’s background and experience, and can better anticipate the challenges the child may face as an adult in a society still rife with racism. This acculturation can prepare him or her for life as a child of color. Moreover, some feel that transracial adoption adds to the dismantling of families of color and ultimately helps destroy communities here and abroad.
The National Association of Black Social Workers in 1972 famously produced a paper that vehemently opposed the adoption of black children by whites. Nevertheless in 2004, 26 percent of black children adopted from foster care - about 4,200 - were adopted transracially, nearly all by whites. That is up from roughly 14 percent, or 2,200, in 1998, according to a New York Times analysis of data from the National Data Archive on Child Abuse and Neglect at Cornell University and from the Department of Health and Human Services.
Advocates of transracial adoption insist that a loving home is what’s really important, especially when the alternative is the foster-care system where children are frequently shuttled from family to family. Complicating the discussion is the wide range of opinions from adoptees themselves. There are a multitude of organizations, online groups and bloggers who express a wide variety of emotions and opinions, some positive, indifferent, resigned or outright bitter.
Location can also contribute to the positive or negative experience of an adoptee and adoptive parent. Seattle is often described as the liberal bastion of the Northwest, a politically correct place known for high rates of tolerance, multiracial families and interracial relationships. Other parts of the country, however, are far more conservative and homogenous, forcing adoptees to blend in and shy away from their racial origins.
Just ask Randolph, the UW student who grew up in Kansas City, Mo. Before a cultural reconnection trip to Korea in her early 20s, she tried to deny and avoid her Korean background. The trip was an eye-opening experience. Today, Randolph is a self-described "work in progress" and feels more comfortable and confident with who she is and where she comes from. Like many adoptees, she says there was a lack of role models for her while growing up. Randolph says she couldn’t talk about racial incidents with her parents, who chose to "explain them away."
"My parents did the best they could; however, due to the lack of resources at the time, there was a lot missing," she says. Her parents made cursory attempts to connect her to her culture, such as trying to sign her up for Tae Kwon Do classes when she was in elementary school. Randolph also says her cultural confusion resulted in her attempting to pursue a career in medicine, motivated by the stereotype of the "Korean doctor."
Randolph’s Korea trip was a rewarding experience for a number of reasons, although she was frustrated at first. "My time living in Korea was amazing, although it was often very difficult, due to language and cultural barriers. Not only did I still have difficulty with the Korean language and aspects of the culture, I had to deal with expectations from other Koreans that I would speak Korean and understand Korean culture automatically, simply because of the way I look," she says.
Today, though, her new connections and friendships with other adoptees have been invaluable. "I really value and treasure the connections I’ve made with other adoptees over the years," she says. "I think it’s so important that adoptees realize that there is a community of international adoptees out there, that they’re not alone. Adult adoptee organizations are such important resources."
For Randolph, there also is a bittersweet flavor to many adoptions. "I think too many people think of adoption in this ‘Hallmark’ kind of way, but as person gets a new family they also lose a family as well." Still, she speaks without anger or bitterness. She says she is unscarred by her upbringing and feels comfortable with her identity.
Adoptees, she says, should support each other. That is one reason she is on the board of directors for the Asian Adult Adoptees of Washington, a nonprofit organization founded by and for adult Asian transracial adoptees. The organization also is backing a documentary currently in production called "Resilience," featuring the personal stories of Korea’s birth mothers. The film, which is still in need of funds to complete, is expected to be released this spring.
Reinforcing stereotypes?
Another question critics ask is: Does transracial adoption also reinforce racial and cultural stereotypes about developing countries, with the perception that white people need to save the poor, disadvantaged brown babies, whisking them away from their families who are completely incapable of caring for them? In addition, white adoptive parents are accused of taking advantage of a system of privilege that allows them to more easily adopt, while potential families of color are screened out because of income and other factors. And then there is the matter of cost. Adopting white children is more expensive than adopting children of color. In some cases, fees are even lower for children of color who, for example, suffer from fetal alcohol syndrome.
"This (imbalance) is due to supply and demand," says Jill Dziko, assistant director of the Seattle-based Adoptions Assistance and Homestudy Services. Dziko is a white woman who has adopted children of color who are of African-American and Hispanic heritage. She lives with her partner who is African American, which makes it easier to address racial issues with their children. "There are far more children of color in the foster-care system, and a shortage of potential parents of color," she says. "That shortage can be traced in part to economic reasons, and sometime location."
Skeptics ask: Can colorblind parents of one race be culturally sensitive and successful in keeping their adopted children connected to their own birth cultures? What happens to the children when they try to fit in with their peers and establish their own cultural identity? According to experts, racial confusion can result in low self-esteem, social problems and deep-seated anger. It can also result in a backlash against the adoptive parents. Dziko points out that her agency does offer cultural counseling to prepare parents before they sign the papers.
So what is the alternative to the colorblind approach? According to John Raible, of the New York State Children’s Coalition, it is transracialization, which is "a deep and sophisticated understanding of race and racism." He says this ability and insight can come from assuming the role of a minority or through being married or partnered with a person of color. Maintaining close friendships and living in communities of color can also assist in understanding and empathizing with people of color. He encourages white people to venture out of their cultural comfort zone to accomplish all this.
A new model for foster care
The Seattle-based Mockingbird Society is a haven for foster children to get emotional and spiritual support. The nonprofit helps youth through programs that offer youths extended families, breaks from their foster families and the opportunity to publish their own newspaper. The organization’s module for extended families focuses on matching youth with community and family members who are the same race and culture and who can offer emotional and spiritual support.
The number of children in foster care raises another question. If a child was not adopted, what would her or his life have been like?
Well-meaning white adoptive parents of non-white children sometimes face the brunt of criticism and disapproval, with allegations that they are woefully inadequate when it comes to raising children of color. These parents are criticized for homogenizing their children, forcing them to live in their colorblind world until their existence is shattered by the reality of racism. Several of the adoptees interviewed for this story said that not seeing the issue of race gets the adoptive parents off the hook when it comes to dealing with real issues. Even Dziko bristles at the thought. "It’s insulting to say you don’t see another person’s color," she says. "We all see color; it’s a significant part of who we are. Adoptive parents must make a huge effort to exposure their children to their culture, through mentors and events, for instance."
Dziko and her partner, who is African American, work hard at exposing their children to all aspects of their ethnic origin at every opportunity, she emphasizes. Taking them to events and involving people in their lives who are of the same background is essential, as is keeping the lines of communication open and encouraging discussion. One resource along these lines is the Web site About Race Relations (see link in resources box), where people contemplating adoption are asked probing questions about their motivation, and are given the pros and cons of adoption.
Another perspective can be found on the Web site TransracialAbductees.org, where some adoptees express bitterness at being adopted and claim that white adoptive parents, or "abductors," are often well-intentioned, but suffer from a resounding ignorance that ultimately harms their children on a psychological level. Their colorblind approach only worsens the situation. On the Web site, for example, some adoptees describe their parents dressing them up like dolls, creating their appearance based on racial stereotypes. But other accounts on the site speak of white parents buying children culturally appropriate dolls to play with, preparing ethnic meals, decorating the house and taking them to cultural events related to their birth culture. Other adoptees echo these sentiments in "Outsiders Within," one of the new books that contains personal stories from the viewpoint of adoptees.
Adopting from Overseas
Exacerbating the controversy is the recent trend of Hollywood celebrities of adopting children from other countries. Both celebrities and non-celebrities alike seem to lean more toward international adoptions despite the existence of many thousands of American children waiting to be adopted.
Dziko says one reason for this trend is the lower likelihood of interference by biological parents who may change their minds about the adoption. In addition, persistent racism may make Latino and African-American children seem more difficult to raise. In addition, overseas adoptions can be easier because some countries have officials or agencies that sidestep and even break laws to expedite the process.
The adoption business can attract some unscrupulous individuals and agencies that broker babies like products.
According to a recent Associated Press story, Guatemala is currently being scrutinized for its procedures for adoptions by American parents. Improvements must be made to a "corrupt" system that is rumored to accommodate illegal adoption transactions and even "stolen" children who are quickly purchased by Americans. In 2006, more than 4,000 Guatemalan babies were adopted by American parents last year - though there are no figures indicating how many, if any, of these adoptions are illegal. Under current laws, notaries can act as baby brokers, recruiting birth mothers, handling all the administrative tasks.
A kite without a string
For Seattle lawyer Ree-Ah Bloedow, being different while growing up in the Midwest was an isolating experience. "There wasn’t another multiracial family within a 50-mile radius of me," she says. "I didn’t eat Korean food until I was 25. I didn’t see another Asian classmate until the 6th grade." Bloedow was comforted by her twin sister, who she says made her "feel like I wasn’t totally alone because I had someone who looked just like me, literally."
Bloedow is a Korean adoptee who was left at an orphanage with her twin, and was actually adopted twice, the second time by European Caucasian parents. Soft-spoken but outspoken, Bloedow grew up in rural Minnesota in the 1980s; she and her twin were adopted in 1969 by a Jewish family.
"They already had one child already, a biological child," Bloedow says. "They didn’t think they could get pregnant or have another child or conceive another child, so they decided to go ahead with the adoption." But her new adopted mother become pregnant, and the children were returned to the adoption agency. Bloedow and her sister were then adopted by a family that was of Scandinavian, Norwegian, German, Swedish and Polish ancestry. There were few Koreans in the Midwest, and her mother and father encouraged her to feel good about her own individual identity, whatever that might be.
However, beyond trying to look up the meaning of her name, her parents made little attempt to connect Bloedow with Korean culture. Her mom did, however, become protective when confronted by ignorant people in public places. "If we were in a shopping mall or something like that and someone would make some kind of a dumb remark, basically saying, "It’s not your child," my mom was very adamant in saying, ‘No, this is my child.’ I was embarrassed. I’m like, ‘Mom, chill, just relax.’ And I kind of wanted to almost disappear in some ways. But, you know, it’s interesting because if she didn’t do that, then I would have felt like she was ashamed of me. So, I think they did what they could do." Bloedow has a good relationship with her family, but like a lot of adoptees, feels they will not ever truly understand her experience. "I know that they have regrets over not trying harder to connect me more with my culture, and about some things that were said during my childhood, but there were not a lot of resources and support for them back then."
Still, Bloedow made her own attempts as an adult to connect to her culture. "I use to hang out with other Korean adoptees when I was in my 20s," she says. "It helped a little to do that," but she was shocked to learn many of her friends were sexually and emotionally abused. "There really needed to be tougher screening back then, to eliminate people who wanted to adopt who had mental problems. I feel that some adoptive parents should have never adopted children. They had some need to fill." Bloedow also says that some white Americans suffered from a sense of superiority, as if they were doing the world a favor by adopting the poor foreign baby who otherwise might have been living on the streets. "There were times in my life when people made me feel like I was so lucky to be adopted, and I used to think… am I?"
Although her own experience was challenging, it was nothing compared to one African-American friend and adoptee who she says, "detested other African Americans. She was so full of self-loathing."
Many studies have concluded that transracial adoption can result in adoptees feeling hatred towards their own race. A plethora of information about transracial adoption and the results of psychological studies have been amassed by Amanda L. Baden, a psychologist and assistant professor at Montclair State University in New Jersey. Baden, who was born in Hong Kong, was adopted by white Americans. One sample of the information regarding cultural identity issues includes: "The denial of one’s heritage and emphasis on a ‘human identity’ is potentially problematic: Adoptees who physically appear Mexican American may view themselves as different from other Mexican Americans and thus deny any connection with their ethnicity … Because a majority of the transethnic adoptees studied had not developed a positive sense of ethnicity (manifested as pride in their ethnic roots and appearance), these individuals may not have reconciled their inner and outer experiences."
Still, Bloedow’s experience has given her inner strength. "You create your own destiny," she says. "Allowing everybody else, society, to define who you are, you give up your power. You give up your ability to define yourself," Bloedow says. "Once you do that, you don’t have an identity. And people that are adopted, in particular people that feel they don’t have their roots, have to create them. I felt like a kite without a string. But everybody has to have a string."
Bloedow says she still feels uncomfortable in social situations with other Koreans. "Some of them look down on me a bit because I don’t speak my own language. I feel a little like an imposter, at times. I can feel uncomfortable with something as small as table manners, which are different in Korea than in the United States."
Her advice to perspective adoptive parents? "Create a social support system for your child, and do some self-examination of yourself to determine why you want to adopt in the first place."
Bloedow is optimistic about the future of multiracial and adoptive families, but is a realist as well. "Yes, there’s been huge progress made in terms of multiracial, multiethnic families. But there’s still a huge amount of discrimination. We live in a racist society and one of the things that I think parents can do for their children is help them to construct how they talk about their life and who they are, because people are going to always have questions and want to know, ‘Is that your real mom? Is that your real dad? Is that your real brother?’ "
Intentional identities, best practices
Michelle Bagshaw, who works at the University of Washington School of Social Work, also has spent time trying to untangle her ethnic roots. She faced many challenges related to her ethnicity while attending school in Seattle’s Capitol Hill area. Adopted at 16 months, she grew up in a racially mixed neighborhood. Her mother is white and East Indian; her father is white. Bagshaw is part Native American, Caucasian and African American.
"I’m pretty fair-skinned and so I think, in a lot of ways, I blended in," she says. "It wasn’t until I got older that people started to ask questions about our family structure." Bagshaw’s adoptive mother is a social worker, and that background helped her to get Bagshaw to articulate her feelings about her racial background and about the reasons her birth mother gave her up for adoption.
"She really helped me to understand that my birth mother wasn’t able to take care of me, and that’s why she chose to put me up for adoption, and that I was meant to be with my family," she says. Bagshaw, 38, also says that her future could have been much bleaker if she had not been adopted.
Nevertheless, she struggled with her cultural identity.
"While growing up, I had a lot of confusion about my racial identity," she says. "And because I didn’t have parents who shared the same racial background, it made it more difficult." Bagshaw chose to identify with the white mainstream culture. Like many adoptees, being white meant being accepted. "I decided that I was going to be white and I watched what the other white kids were doing and kind of took that on." Being white also meant listening to rock music and shopping at Nordstrom.
Still, Bagshaw had to contend with being called names and getting picked on because of her ethnic appearance.
African-American kids also were critical of her for "acting white and thinking she was better than them. That was a pretty tough experience," she says. Because of encounters like these, Bagshaw often has had tense relationships with other black youth. However, while in middle school she became close friends with another young woman of color. "We kind of supported each other, that really helped me, "she says.
Bagshaw is not critical of her parents, with whom she has a close relationship. Like many of the adoptees interviewed for this story, she says "they did the best they could. Nobody is perfect and everyone makes mistakes. They did a lot of things right. They had a very diverse group of friends that I was exposed too, and they stayed in Capitol Hill when a lot of people were moving to the suburbs. "
Bagshaw admits to feeling a bit uncomfortable in all-black social situations, but is very committed to emphasizing her multicultural background. "It’s an ongoing declaration of who I am." She has even gotten into debates with diversity trainers who want to pigeonhole her into just one racial category.
Bagshaw has some advice for current and prospective adoptive parents who are thinking of adopting across racial lines. "It’s very important for kids to have a connection to their ethnic and cultural identities, and that has to be a very intentional," she says. "That’s the parent’s responsibility to do that. It’s not the child’s responsibility. So, if you live in a predominantly white community and you’re adopting a child of color, then what about moving?"
While Bagshaw has a good relationship with her adoptive parents, she does have a desire to find and meet her birth parents. She has attempted to do so but without success so far. "I have a natural curiosity," she says. "I feel confident with my racial identity now. I identify as a multiracial woman of color who is transracially adopted. It’s a mouthful, but that’s how it is!"
Best practices in adoption
Minty Jeffrey, a co-owner and co-founder of ColorsNW, is another example of successful parenting of transracial adoptees.
Adopted as an infant by white parents, Jeffrey - who is enrolled Santee/Muskogee-Creek/Choctaw/African-American/Anglo-American - grew up with white parents, a white brother and an adopted Korean sister. Her mother, Penny Nelson, believed that the "colorblind" approach was flawed.
"My mother was exposed to a lot of diversity down at the (University of Oregon) and developed a strong sense of social awareness and the need for me to have black and Native pride and for my sister to be proud about being a Korean-American woman," says Jeffrey, a diversity trainer and speaker from Tukwila. "She wanted us to be conscious of our individual ethnic identity within the family. My family was very diverse and I was aware of my heritage."
Jeffrey’s mother worked to connect her children to their community in a number of ways. "Some ways she did that was by consistently leaving her comfort zone on a regular basis … making herself willing to be uncomfortable in an unfamiliar environment," Jeffrey says.
This effort ranged from where they lived to where they worshipped. "(My mom) made sure that the church I was raised in … was a predominately African-American church. She fostered my Native pride and made sure those connections were my own. (She was) excellent at finding programs for Native youth and putting me there without her being there."
Jeffrey says her mother’s respectful parenting style made her who she is today, "The reason I am a strong woman of color is I have a strong mother and she gave me a parenting relationship without culturally abducting me. If there are parents willing to adopt, that’s the most important thing."
Jeffrey’s mother made a number of critical decisions in raising her children, including where and how they lived. She moved the family to Seattle’s Rainier Valley so that her children would be in a racially diverse environment. "The Central Area was very vibrant and there were events focusing on the development of youth in the area and my mom would make sure I was there. The Black Panther breakfast program, the annual Native-American salmon bake, my mother would make sure that I was involved in them," Jeffrey says. "She did not surround herself with white people. My mother knew that I was going to get plenty of white people in my family so she made sure she diversified her friendship base and where she spent her money. … She exposed herself to issues in my culture and she learned and gave it to me."
Sometimes the learning curve was steep. "My mother was hilarious," Jeffrey says. "When I was young, I wanted to have an Angela Davis fro and my mother struggled figuring out how to wash my hair and moisturizing and plaiting it. My mom didn’t know… she would gather all my hair in all of its wildness and take psychedelic scarves and tie it around the base of it and send me on my way. Trust me, I didn’t look like Angela Davis. Her friends of African-American descent told her they would show her how to do my hair. She learned the stories and dialogue and laughter that black and brown girls have when getting their hair done. She learned about combs and oils and parts and choosing things carefully. She learned that her concept of cute black hairstyles were sometimes inconsistent with the fashion. She learned that in cultures of color, hair has meaning, adornment and tradition to it."
Jeffrey says feelings of anger or rage are normal for children, but particularly for children of color adopted in transracial homes, these feelings need to be honored and respected. Jeffrey says there are some questions that parents should ask themselves in this realm. "It’s important for any white parent to realize that that’s going to be an exercise in your own personal restraint and not the child’s restraint. Do you have the capacity to honor that anger and not be threatened by it or is it difficult to engage in that? What if your child prefers when they are an adult to be completely focused on their sole community of color and no other? Will you be OK with that? If you can honor that, your child may find that where they are at home the most is not where you live. That doesn’t make you less a mama or daddy. If you aren’t sure you can wrap your head around that, perhaps interracial adoption is not for you. You have to know yourself before you bring a child of color into a white home."
This is critical, Jeffrey says, to begin to reverse the numbers of children in foster care. "We are living in King County where there are more than 1,000 children lingering without a permanent home. It’s going on every day and we don’t see it."
For Jeffrey and other transracial adoptees, conversations around culturally competent, respectful parenting are desperately needed to begin the process of creating healthy homes for the disproportionately high number of foster kids of color who are languishing in the system. These important issues and questions must get raised so that more children will be able to be adopted into stable, culturally aware homes - with parents of all backgrounds.
A term often used to refer to adoptees is "lucky." Adoptees are lucky because they have been "rescued" from a bad situation and placed into a better one. Below, Dr. Amanda Baden discusses the consequences of using this term and what effect it has on adoptees.
“Adopted: The New American Family” follows Jen, an adult Korean adoptee, as she confronts issues of race and identity. In the video clip below, Jen has frank discussions with her parents about being teased as a child because of her race. Watch the video and tell us about your experiences with your child’s racial identity. Or if you’re an adoptee, let us know what it was like to grow up confronting racism and how you discussed your feelings with your parents.
Dr. Ron Federici, a therapist specializing in internationally adopted children, discusses how institutionalized children often experience post-traumatic stress. To learn more about Dr. Federici, click here.
Post-traumatic stress disorder or what we prefer to call "post-institutionalization" are situations that the child coming out of an orphanage setting is experiencing in the way of fear, anxiety, depression, uncertainty, mood changes, worrying about one’s physical care being taken care of, food and nutrition, physical hygiene. And it’s just a pervasive sense of anxiety and fear coming into a new situation. Because the one thing we know about orphanage situation, they’re constant. They’re regimented. These children, even if they’re neglected, and they all are neglected because they don’t have a family, it’s a constant. So coming out of this "known quantity" causes a huge amount of adjustment or transitional stress that persists with the child to where any changes with a new family, new family members or over stimulation, which is a huge mistake adopted families do. They over-stimulate the child in hopes of catching up and giving him/her all the love and affection, when a child has no concept of that. So the stress level builds from changes in caretakers, changes in environment, changes in stimulation, changes in food, changes in the amount of people holding the child causes the child to be so terrified, and many times the child reacts in panic. They do one of two things. They react in panic like yelling and screaming and crying, or they shut down completely, and they’re non-responsive.
Dr. Ron Federici, a therapist specializing in internationally adopted children, discusses the effects of institutionalized children being left in cribs. To learn more about Dr. Federici, click here.
In the best situation where a child has been raised in a very clean, organized, well-supervised orphanage setting, the child has a much better chance of recovering from early childhood deprivation and institutionalization of post-tramautic stress because at least the physical and medical conditions-the basic necessities of life - have been met. But in those situations where the appearance, and this is a big issue - the appearance of appropriateness has been made - meaning it looks good, it’s clean, there’s caretakers - that does not necessarily mean that these child have been cared for. Caretakers change frequently. A lot of times they’re very harsh. They have one caretaker per 20 children. The children are neglected. They’re abandoned. They spend a lot of time in cribs; and this is what I’ve seen myself sometimes up to 20 to 22 hours a day in a crib, even in a clean, nice orphanage. So the stress, the post-traumatic stress, begins at the time the child is left alone and neglected from consistent continual parenting. For example, if you raised your own child, you’re going to be with your own child the better part of the day when the child isn’t sleeping. But even if the child is sleeping, you’re still going to be there cuddling and taking care of the child. This is not happening in these settings even if they’re good. One of the first and foremost stages of post traumatic stress with Chinese or internationally adopted children is time left alone in cribs.
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For an adoptive parent, receiving your referral is a life changing moment. This is the phone call where you find out the name, age, sex, and date of birth of your child, in effect transforming you from a parent-to-be to a parent. We were lucky enough to be with John and Jacqui when they received the phone call that would change their lives. Click on the video below to watch as John and Jacqui officially become parents to Min Xin Pei, a little girl from China.
Amanda Baden, a transracial adoptee and adoption psychologist, on the exotification of Asian culture.
One of the interesting facets of being Asian in American, an Asian woman in America, I think, is recognizing in our culture that there is a tendency to exoticize Asian women in this society. And so for parents who are raising children who are Chinese and adopted, their recognition of that may take on a different tone. They may not be aware of it in the same way that I, as an adult woman, am aware of it. And so, by emphasizing the child’s tie to Chinese heritage and cultures is wonderful. But there is also this tendency to sort of-there can be a fine line I guess I should say, between objectifying being Chinese and celebrating being Chinese and so when we objectify and exoticize this Far East kind of place, then it doesn’t become real to us here in America. And it’s hard to incorporate that sense of what China is in our everyday experience. So for a child who only sees that being Chinese means wearing those silk jackets and doing line dances, may be an inaccurate way for them to think about it. And may not help them at all understand how they interact as a Chinese person in school or at work with their friends on the playground. So we have to sort of balance it much more carefully.
Richard Lee, a psychology professor at the University of Minnesota who specializes in the cultural socialization of Korean adoptees, talks about an Asian adoptees sense of beauty.
When you’re raised in the same race family, you may feel like you’re an ugly duckling in society, but you have the comfort of going home and feeling the love of your parents. And not only that, but you look at your parents and you see that they are proud of themselves, no matter how they may look; they are proud of who they are and how they look. And so there is a modeled behavior and lesson that’s learned from that. In a transracially adoptive family when you look physically different from your parent, it’s a more difficult connection to make. Because your parents look like the dominate stereotype of beauty that you see in society, which is of an attractive white individual. And you’re not that person, and so I think there is that difficulty that you have that you don’t get the same experience as an immigrant child may get. But then you play this out in the larger society and over time you being to internalize, we call it internalizing the racism, of society. And you begin to denigrate your own natural beauty because it doesn’t match this white standard that you have come to accept. And so it’s hard for adoptees who haven’t’ had those same experiences.
Richard Lee, a psychology professor at the University of Minnesota who specializes in the cultural socialization of Korean adoptees, discusses common Asian American stereotypes.
There are definitely stereotypes that men and women experience that are very different. For Asian American men, whether they are adopted or not, the stereotypes are that you are less masculine, nerdy, into technology and computers, you’re not athletic and you’re not attractive. You’re short and effeminate. The stereotype for Asian American women is not necessarily any better but it’s different. Women are perceived as exotic, as submissive, as care giving, also as sometimes conniving or too clever, tricky. So there are these different stereotypes that men and women have to manage. For Asian American men it’s a challenge because the prevailing Americans sort of pressure is for a man to keep their emotions inside, to not share or reveal the insecurities or struggles.
Yun-Sook Kim Navarre, a Korean adoptee, spoke with us about her connection to Korea and what she views as preferred alternatives to international adopton. View video clips or read transcripts below from our interviews to hear her perspectives.
On Her Connection to Korea
I think about this. I’m going to have to tell my daughter, "You know your mom was an orphan." You know I’m going to have to tell her that some time. And it really hurts me to tell her that she doesn’t have any biological Korean side. Plus, I have this double burden of trying to give her a culture that was literally raped from me. It was actually taken. And it’s not like we’re born in Ohio, you know what I mean? Or we’re born in Brazil or something. We’re talking about a totally different culture, totally different set of values, totally separate beliefs. It’s really hard being an Eastern body in a Western world. It’s really, really hard. And I see it every day. So even to the point when you’re in public and some American people just expect you to yield to them on and off the elevator. Just small, small subtle things that my friend tells me, we’re in enemy territory and we are. I don’t see myself connected with America. I’m here because I’m a citizen, thank God I guess. But I know that privilege also means that there is a lot of atrocities too and a lot of sacrifice and a lot of dirt and a lot of blood behind closed doors. I’m working on my masters. That’s been like–it’s been really hard not coming from an educated family. But as soon as I get my masters, I’m going back to Korea and probably staying there. And that’s where I feel connected. Those are my people. I see in their shadows and I see in their walk. And I see it in the old people. I see it in their eyes. And I was born there. I want to die there. I want to be buried there. And I know this sounds kind of extreme, and I kind of represent this extreme constituency of adoptees, but that’s okay because we’re all on the same page and we’re all working for the same goal, to end overseas adoption.
On Alternatives to International Adoption
Well, to those parents who think, "I gave this child a good home and a good family." Again, it also goes both ways too. It’s beyond giving them a good home and a good family. You did that because you wanted to do it. You had the privilege and you had that choice. The world we live in, the society we live in, is due to consequences way before our efforts and before our existence. And it just so happens, Korea- -’m not trying to play the victim–but Korea is a small, small country. A lot of these countries as you know, are nations of color. They’ve been oppressed, they’ve been colonized, they’ve been imperialized. They’re impoverished, and so these western capitalist nations come in and rape them of their natural resources, and that is a solution. It’s one solution, yes, interracial adoption. Another solution is possibly supporting the birth mom so they could stay intact. Another solution is maybe sex education. I mean I’m kind of going off the wall here, but yes, I agree we are stacked up on the walls in the orphanages–you’re right. And one option is international adoption. However, because of policy and economy and politics, it has become the only solution and a convenient solution and a well-grooved solution. Why not invest in an infrastructure of foster care or maybe relative adoptions? What about helping poor families, giving more alternatives to single unwed mothers? I hate to see the $20,000 that a child costs–when I was in international adoption at Lutheran Social Services. But not a penny of it goes to the nation or to the birth mom. It goes to the orphanage and it goes to the social worker and to the lawyer and to the doctor. So basically, you’re just perpetuating a system. You’re taking "raw material," you know what I mean, and then selling it and then getting it processed and selling it back. It’s just perpetuating this system.
Lynne Connor, a Korean adoptee, spoke with us about race, identity, and her discussions with her parents about racism. Click on the topics below to jump to video clips and transcripts of our interview with Lynne.
On Her Mother’s Reaction to Racism
On Her Mother’s Refusal to Acknowledge Race
p>Yeah, I think I definitely looked at- I think in my head I was white. I mean, I was probably white until I was maybe in high school. I remember like in elementary school little boys would do the thing with the eyes, and I would always look at my mom and say, “you know, all people have almond shaped eyes, right?” I mean, you don’t see them with those little round circles. So I don’t understand why they’re saying that my eyes are different from their eyes. It was just like; we all have the same eyes. Like, I don’t understand. And so what if my hair is dark! Everyone has-there’s blond people, there’s red heads. It didn’t register in my head that I really physically was Asian, and I didn’t want to define it that way. Because if I did that then it would really be like I was admitting that I’m just a freak and that I will never fit in. I think I was kind of in denial for a little part of my childhood. So I just held on to the belief that I was white and I was fine. So when I looked in the mirror I saw a white person. I don’t know if that makes sense but I definitely saw- I mean, I would stare at my eyes and hold up a picture. I remember from like magazines and be like, see, it’s the same. It’s the exact same. So what is everyone’s problem?
On Her Mother’s Reaction to Racism
But once I hit seventh grade it was kind of like that was a huge turning point in my life. So that’s when I basically experienced prejudice for the first time. So that would be definitely a key point where I felt- I saw differences. Like I started seeing color and I started seeing that I was very different. And I started seeing that my mom would never understand that about me. So it definitely put distance between us because I would definitely–I would come home from school, and I’d be really upset about the one boy who seemed to torment me for like three years in a row and I would tell her these stories and she would just look at me like, “I don’t really understand your problem. I think you’re being too sensitive. I think you’re overreacting. Just ignore it. He’ll go away. He’s just a stupid boy…” Things like that. And it was never- all her answers were not good enough for me. I remember being very hurt and insulted because it was like, “you’re my mother so you have to try and understand me in a way.” So I never felt she really did in that way.
On Her Mother’s Refusal to Acknowledge Race
My mom never looked at me as an Asian person. And I know that because when I was old enough to talk to her about it, her answer was always the same. You are Lynne Connor, you are my daughter, you know that I love you and that’s it. I don’t understand. I don’t know what your problem is. Again, it’s your being over sensitive. You’re being ridiculous, whatever. And I would say, this is a big problem because I’m crying too much or I’m really getting upset over these ridiculous things. But you have to acknowledge that I don’t look like you. You have to- you do know I’m not white. And I had this very blunt conversation with her when I was in high school saying what do you see? Like you look at me and what do you see? And she was like, I see Lynne Connor. And I know she was just annoyed. And I was like, what do you see? Like you look at me, do you see that I’m Korean? Do you see that I don’t look like every else on this block? Do you see that I will never fit in? And she could never acknowledge that.
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Dr. Joseph Crumbley, a therapist specializing in adoptive families, discusses racism in adopted children from China.
I was invited by an organization titled "Families with Children from China." They asked me to meet with their children and to see if they were dealing with issues of race. And I met with the children, and I guess they were maybe five or six years old up to ten or eleven. And there may have been about ten children in the group. And I asked them if they knew what prejudice was, and they said "no." I asked them if they knew what racism was and they said "no," so I defined it for them. I defined prejudice as someone having attitudes and ideas about you because of what they heard, not because of them knowing you. And they said, "O.K., all right, we understand that." I asked them if they knew what racism was, and they said "no," and I defined racism to them as meaning when someone feels as though they’re better than you and mistreats you simply because you look different from them. So they got the definition. And then I asked them how many of you have experienced prejudice or discrimination or racism. All the hands went up. So I then went around the group and I asked them what kind of experiences did you have? And they said:
"Well, somebdoy called me a pan face. Somebody called me a round face. Somebody called me a chink. Somebody asked me if I had yellow fever. Somebody asked me where my glasses were, because they figured because of my eyes I couldn’t be able to see. Somebody even said to me that I couldn’t play basketball because the only thing I’m good at is being smart."
So the children were going around with all their different experiences and what people were saying to them. And one of the children in the group was about five years old, and I didn’t really think she could share anything. I asked her, "what was your experience? Did somebody mistreat you because of your race?"No." Well, I asked if somebody said something bad about you because of your race. "No." Well, what did they do and this is what she did, <makes motion.> And the other kids in the group started laughing and saying, "ohh, slanty eyes!" So they kind of knew what was going on, and she said, "but I’ve got an answer for that." And I said, "What are you going to do?"I’m going to have an operation." I said, "What kind of operation?" "Well, I’m going to have my eyelids cut back so that they’ll be round."
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