Dr. Joseph Crumbley, a therapist specializing in adoptive families, discusses the importance of talking about race with your internationally adopted child.
Archive for the 'Adoptee Videos' Category
Richard Lee, a psychology professor at the University of Minnesota who specializes in the cultural socialization of Korean adoptees, discusses the international adoptee’s loss of birth culture.
Children who are placed as infants in their adoptive families are still facing a loss of birth culture. It may not be something that they are aware of during childhood, but at some point in their adult development many will begin to experience that feeling of loss. It may come quickly or gradually build up. But they may start to realize that I’m different from my adoptive parents physically, but also in how I am treated by others. And you begin to existentially wonder, well, where am I from. People ask that anyway, because you are a minority. They’ll say "where are you from," implying that you are a foreigner and not an American. But existentially it takes on a new meaning for transracially adopted children, and that often leads people to start looking at their birth place, their homeland; and that’s when those feelings of yearning and questioning begin to emerge, which is something which defines a diaspora.
Richard Lee, a psychology professor at the University of Minnesota who specializes in the cultural socialization of Korean adoptees, talks about an Asian adoptees sense of beauty.
When you’re raised in the same race family, you may feel like you’re an ugly duckling in society, but you have the comfort of going home and feeling the love of your parents. And not only that, but you look at your parents and you see that they are proud of themselves, no matter how they may look; they are proud of who they are and how they look. And so there is a modeled behavior and lesson that’s learned from that. In a transracially adoptive family when you look physically different from your parent, it’s a more difficult connection to make. Because your parents look like the dominate stereotype of beauty that you see in society, which is of an attractive white individual. And you’re not that person, and so I think there is that difficulty that you have that you don’t get the same experience as an immigrant child may get. But then you play this out in the larger society and over time you being to internalize, we call it internalizing the racism, of society. And you begin to denigrate your own natural beauty because it doesn’t match this white standard that you have come to accept. And so it’s hard for adoptees who haven’t’ had those same experiences.
Amanda Baden, a transracial adoptee and adoption psychologist, on the exotification of Asian culture.
One of the interesting facets of being Asian in American, an Asian woman in America is recognizing in our culture that there is a tendency to exoticize Asian women in this society. And so for parents who are raising children who are Chinese and adopted, their recognition of that may take on a different tone. They may not be aware of it in the same way that I, as an adult woman, am aware of it. And so, emphasizing the child’s tie to Chinese heritage and cultures is wonderful; but, there is also this tendency to sort of–there can be a fine line I guess I should say– between objectifying being Chinese and celebrating being Chinese. And so when we objectify and exoticize this Far East kind of place, then it doesn’t become real to us here in America. And it’s hard to incorporate that sense of what China is in our everyday experience. So for a child who only sees that being Chinese means wearing those silk jackets and doing line dances, may be an inaccurate way for them to think about it. And may not help them at all understand how they interact as a Chinese person in school or at work with their friends on the playground. So we have to sort of balance it much more carefully.
Amanda Baden, a transracial adoptee and a counseling psychologist, discusses the view that children adopted from China are often viewed as "lucky" to have been adopted by American parents.
One of the real struggles in adoption has been that people who are adopted, particularly from China at this stage in the game is that, these girls are always talked about as lucky. They are so lucky to have been adopted. What a great thing your doing for them. Which implies then that they need to be grateful and that they should be thankful for what’s happened in their lives. Which, as we know, isn’t always the case. They didn’t ask to be abandoned. They didn’t ask to be adopted. That doesn’t mean that they’re lives aren’t better, that they don’t’ have positive relationships and real loving relationships with family. But what it does mean is when gratitude is expected for being a child of a parent it somehow says that they aren’t allowed to be angry. They aren’t allowed to have frustration and they might not– if they have any sort of dissatisfaction, its something that they have to keep to themselves and internalize. That it’s not a family issue. It’s an individual issue. And I think as a clinician it’s really a family issue a lot of times. If everyone can tolerate being able to look at themselves a little more objectively and with a little bit more of an eye towards improving rather than criticism, then it can be very effective for everyone involved.
Richard Lee, a psychology professor at the University of Minnesota who specializes in the cultural socialization of Korean adoptees, discusses common Asian American stereotypes.
There are definitely stereotypes that men and women experience that are very different. For Asian American men, whether they are adopted or not, the stereotypes are that you are less masculine, nerdy, into technology and computers, you’re not athletic and you’re not attractive. You’re short and effeminate. The stereotype for Asian American women is not necessarily any better but it’s different. Women are perceived as exotic, as submissive, as care giving, also as sometimes conniving or too clever, tricky. So there are these different stereotypes that men and women have to manage. For Asian American men it’s a challenge because the prevailing Americans sort of pressure is for a man to keep their emotions inside, to not share or reveal the insecurities or struggles.
Amanda Baden, a transracial adoptee and adoption psychologist, on the exotification of Asian culture.
One of the interesting facets of being Asian in American, an Asian woman in America, I think, is recognizing in our culture that there is a tendency to exoticize Asian women in this society. And so for parents who are raising children who are Chinese and adopted, their recognition of that may take on a different tone. They may not be aware of it in the same way that I, as an adult woman, am aware of it. And so, by emphasizing the child’s tie to Chinese heritage and cultures is wonderful. But there is also this tendency to sort of-there can be a fine line I guess I should say, between objectifying being Chinese and celebrating being Chinese and so when we objectify and exoticize this Far East kind of place, then it doesn’t become real to us here in America. And it’s hard to incorporate that sense of what China is in our everyday experience. So for a child who only sees that being Chinese means wearing those silk jackets and doing line dances, may be an inaccurate way for them to think about it. And may not help them at all understand how they interact as a Chinese person in school or at work with their friends on the playground. So we have to sort of balance it much more carefully.
